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Laura Lollar

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Archives for July 2020

Better Ways to Work Life Balance

By Laura Lollar Leave a Comment

There is no such thing as work life balance. The word balance implies equal distribution on both sides — work and personal life. That’s darned near impossible to do. I mean, really, how could you fit it ALL into just 24 hours a day? The world doesn’t need one more stressed out, unhappy person. You owe it to yourself to put some fun in your life and focus on YOU even if you can’t balance it, all the time.

How, you ask?

I like the approach of divvying up life based on what percentage of energy we use (versus time) for each segment: work, health, faith/spirituality, family, education, life maintenance, personal care, etc. Then you can overlap some of these segments to kill two birds with one stone so to speak.

Last week my husband and I did just that. We both work from home and have our own businesses, so we have a certain amount of flexibility. We can always work the other 12 hours a day! (grin) Besides, it was my birthday, and I’d been dying to get our kayaks back in the water. We went out for breakfast, then headed for Pikes Peak’s North Slope Recreation Area. What better way to spend a 90+ degree day than paddling around a cool mountain reservoir?

And paddle we did. About one mile down to the west end where we had lunch, then paddled our way back, battling the breeze and current intent on dragging us backwards.

“Doug, my arms are shaking and I’ve got blisters growing on my thumbs,” I called to him. “Keep paddling, you’re doing fine,” he called back. He’s such an achiever.

But what choice did I have? No one was going to scoot out there and tow me back. So I paddled till I reached shore and dragged myself out with help from hubby. It wasn’t the most graceful exit. I felt like a walrus trying to get out of that boat.

We hauled the kayaks up the hill two at a time, then he hoisted them back up on the SUV. There was some work involved and thankfully, he did the lion’s share of it. He lifted the kayaks up onto the roof of the SUV, then had to tie them both down. It takes work to have fun!

It was all worth it and we covered three life segments: personal care, family time and exercise— maybe more! We also enjoyed the piney smell floating on the breeze and watch fish splash and skim along the surface catching dragonflies and bugs. I thought to myself, there will be years ahead when we won’t be able to do all this. Right now we’re strong and active, but that will change in the years ahead. Better enjoy it while we can!

So I have a few points to make:

Some segments of your energy “pie” may be a necessity right now, like care taking or 10 hour work days, but that may change in the future. It took me over a decade to get back into a kayak. So don’t despair if life requires something of you now that keeps you from enjoying all your favorite activities. It may not be possible to change these circumstances. But maybe, for now, substituting a travel movie is enough of an experience to make you feel like you’re indulging in a virtual river rafting trip. Studies show that even watching fish in a tank is enough to lower stress levels. (This is why you see so many aquariums in dentist offices.)

Some segments take small amounts of time but require a great deal of concentrated energy, like exercising. I try to pick up my hand weights two to three times a day in between computer work, phone calls, etc. Standing at your desk while on the phone will also work and your voice will sound stronger and more energetic. Take the stairs once in a while. It doesn’t have to be a marathon and you don’t need to be a gym rat to build in exercise.

You also know best when your energy levels are at peak, so just like writers do, “write” when you feel most productive or creative. Momentum is a powerful tool and you can group high energy activities back-to-back to take advantage of the roll you’re on. Draw your energy pie on a white board so others can see it and take advantage of your best times to get more work out of you. Ha! I’m kidding with that one.

Build in rest time. One of the problems I had with a previous job was the “pedal to the metal” schedule all day, every day. There were no down times or lulls when you could regroup or catch your breath. I don’t work well that way, so it took its toll on me. Even soldiers in training get to rest ten minutes out of every 60, so build in buffer times during your day. Think of them as transition times. A great book to read on that topic is Margin: Restoring Emotional, Physical, Financial and Time Reserves to Overloaded Lives by Richard Swenson.

Be willing to be in it for the long haul. Commit to a lifestyle or a behavioral trait you want to cultivate and maintain. You can make a lifetime commitment to health but have it “show up” in a variety of different ways that don’t require you to become a household name.

Ultimately, how do you want to be known by others? And what can you expect from YOU? We want people to see us as capable of following through, results-oriented, etc. In Paul Arden’s little book, It’s Not How Good You Are, It’s How Good You Want to Be, he says, “Your vision of where or who you want to be is the greatest asset you have. Without having a goal it’s difficult to score.”

He also wrote, we need to aim beyond what we are capable of. “You must develop a complete disregard for where your abilities end. Try to do the things that you’re incapable of.”

And that’s where we’ll leave this. Strive to paddle to the end of the lake knowing you’ll have to paddle all the way back too. It also helps if you have someone urging you on, saying, “Keep paddling, you’re doing fine!

8 Steps to Choose Should You Stay or Should You Go?

By Laura Lollar 2 Comments

Should I stay or should I go? That’s a question many of us ask at some point in our lives. It may be a decision about a job, career, relationship, friendship, neighborhood, church or even a family event. Is it better to hang in there or get the heck outta Dodge while you can?

Pronghorns near Colorado Springs Face a Similar Situation

They are being slowly squeezed out by development that’s encroaching on their grazing lands. They’re surrounded on all sides with new houses and creeping commercial buildings. Should they stay and get used to being local lawn ornaments or make a run for it while the gettin’s good? This is non-negotiable change. Development will advance, forcing out the last remaining animals one way or the other.

My husband (who is very smart) says I’m good at making analogies, so let’s see if you can relate to these questions for yourself or someone else:

  • Should the landowner make it easier for the pronghorns by removing barbed wire fencing sections to run through? Is that the compassionate thing to do or is it helping too much?
  • Do these critters hesitate to leave because development hasn’t come very close — the threat isn’t real enough just yet?
  • Once they cross the fence, where do they go from there?
  • Should someone take the bull by the horns and relocate them? Should well meaning people tranquilize them or herd them into the back of a truck for their own good?
  • Would they rebel, struggle and make so much of a fuss it wouldn’t be worth trying to help?
  • Or should we let them find their own way, no matter what the consequences?

What about you?

Are you feeling pressured to make a move? Should you stick it out or make a dash for it? Consider these 8 steps as you ponder your future:

1. Transitioning is never easy. Change is like that scene from Indiana Jones where you step out into the abyss, hoping the step will appear to keep you from crashing to the ground. Expect discomfort and uncertainty. It’s normal to be frustrated, fearful, or anxious. You’re in the “messy middle” after all. This may be the spot where you’re still not sure of the pros vs cons or perhaps you’re certain of your path, but it’s still an unsettling ride. Go easy on yourself.

2. Set small, intermediate goals. After we lost our house in the wildfire, there was no guidebook — no step-by-step how-to’s to navigate that non-negotiable change. We had to forge ahead towards short-term goals, which was to first find temporary housing, find a builder, clear the property of debris and file insurance claim paperwork. With each goal met, the more confidence and less fear I felt, knowing at least we were making progress. Go step-by-step my Mom advised.

3. Expect a desire to turn back. You may want to circle back around to where things were safe and secure. Maybe you made a mistake that caused even more frustration and you’re wondering what the heck are you doing? Perhaps you’re questioning if all of this turmoil is worth it. There was a time partially through building the new house that I wondered if I shouldn’t have just sold the land, paid off the mortgage and bought an existing home. Other people took that option. Maybe I should have as well. But looking back now, I’m glad I didn’t.

4. Get more information. Input from others may not necessarily make it easier, especially if there is an agenda present that colors their advice. Ask yourself if their counsel is actually an attempt at control vs “helping”? I believe we’re always better off with a wide variety of perspectives before we settle on a path. Some say it’s too confusing to get more information, but I think more heads are better than one. I didn’t have the corner on knowledge when I was in uncertain territory. Ultimately, you have to live with the outcomes, but don’t shut yourself off from resources that could make your choices and future easier.

5. Consider the lost opportunity costs. What would you not experience if you chose to stay put. What people will you not meet if you go? What skills would you not learn? How would this test help you build greater strength and wisdom regardless of which direction you follow? What regrets could you have looking back, if any at all?

6. Have patience. Some of us, especially those in a leadership role, want action NOW! But acting is not always the best path if we haven’t thoroughly identified the challenge or change facing us. Give yourself time to scope out the lay of the land, consult with smart people, listen to those who are closest to the problem or who have been there before. We can’t control everything. Most of the bad things we fear will never happen. We might be pleasantly surprised at what comes from waiting or taking a slower, steady approach.

7. Don’t be afraid to act. If you’re caught between a rock and that proverbial hard place, you must make the best, worst choice. When faced with two unfavorable outcomes, we may not get everything we want in the way we think we want it. Why? Because we can’t see all the possibilities. There are factors beyond our control, inputs that can’t be anticipated, influencers we haven’t yet met.

8. Pray. Yes indeed, prayer is a strategy. No matter what your faith practice, it’s a way to turn your struggles and concerns over to a higher power. “Let go and let God” is one of those sayings I take great comfort in. I don’t believe in being helpless and do accept God wants us to do our best. Many of us wouldn’t think of leaving Him out of the equation as we grapple with our circumstances.

The Pronghorn Herd is Dwindling

Some brave creatures have been seen trotting down our rural roads, which is quite an unusual sight. These may be the strong willed sort that see the writing on the wall and decide to strike out on their own. Or, perhaps they are Scouts in search of better pastures for their pals who wait patiently behind. Which will you be, the Scout, the independent one or a lingerer forced into a corner with few choices left to you?

Should you stay or should you go?

Additional Reading:

  • The Dip by Seth Godin
  • Managing Transitions: Making the Most of Change by William Bridges, PhD with Susan Bridges

Mike Burnside Interview on Special Needs Daughter Kenzi, Fishing, Hunting and Non-negotiable Change

By Laura Lollar Leave a Comment

I came to know Mike Burnside and his daughter Kenzi on Twitter. I haven’t yet “met” his wife Janet but have learned a lot about this wonderful family, their love of the outdoors and their commitment to their children. So since I am fascinated by how people manage change and fit non-negotiable change into their lives, I wanted to interview Mike. He very graciously accepted and his comments are below. It’s well worth the read. You will be inspired! —Laura

Q: Mike tell us a little about yourself and your family.
A: I do environmental inspections, lead based paint, radon, etc. I have a degree in construction management, but made a decision when we found out about Kenzi that I’d become self employed because of the flexibility it offers. I switched 24 years ago. You can do whatever you want the other twelve hours of the day! We’re in NE Oklahoma, north of Tulsa OK.

I grew up in the outdoors, fishing and hunting and my wife, Janet, grew up on a dairy farm and was used to the outdoors. We got the kids involved when Kenzi was 3-4 years old; we took her fishing. Fishing is her favorite thing. Thankfully we live on 80 acres and have two ponds here. Janet is a flight attendant for American Airlines. When mom’s gone we would go fishing. That’s added a whole new level of involvement when your spouse is gone for four days at a time!

Kenzi has Cerebral Palsy. We had triplets: Kenzi, our son and the son who passed away after five days. The official diagnoses for Kenzi happened when she was 18 months. She’s the toughest person in my eyes. She’s had double hip surgery several times to correct the scissoring action where one leg goes in front of the other. Spinal surgery clipped nerves in her spine. The last surgery, she had rods put along her spine from her neck to her tailbone. She can do anything she wants to once this heals.

We’d go to Six Flags over Texas and, like me when I was young, Kenzi loved the double loop roller coaster. I’d keep her head steady on the ride. Then she asked, “Hold my arms up like those people!” I say, “Dad’s getting too old for this!” On the rides, when you can’t lean it’s a whole different experience. After the rods were added, she didn’t want to go on the rides anymore because it was a whole different feeling.

Q: How do you all do it, Mike?
A: We don’t know any other way. (Laura’s note: this is a profound perspective for coping with non-negotiable change.)

Q: Tell us how Kenzi got started in hunting and fishing.
A: Kenzi got her turkey first when she was 15. I’m on the banquet committee for the Rocky Mountain Elk Foundation Tulsa Chapter. I took the family to the banquet starting when Kenzi was 3 years old. She won a youth shotgun at one of the banquets. Then they offered to take her turkey hunting. One member had land. She got a turkey after a long wait. A few years ago, Holy Pursuits Dream Foundation contacted me and asked us to fill out an application. They take people with a disability on a dream hunt. The next day they called to say she’s approved. She settled on a mule deer hunt. I realized it would be a major undertaking, find an outfitter who could handle the logistics in that short of a time. They knew it would be a tough situation.

I asked her, “If it doesn’t work out do you want to go white tail hunting with Dad on our property?” We couldn’t pull the dream hunt off that fall, there just wasn’t enough time. In the meantime, the weekend before Thanksgiving Kenzi was doing the Tulsa Run for Ansley’s Angels, where disabled individuals are pushed in their chairs. She was going to be pushed in a marathon 26 miles. She was in that chair for six to seven hours. They have teams of people who run and push and live to see the satisfaction on so many faces.

Then we got a call; there was a child who couldn’t make a hunt, but Kenzi had the marathon, and there was a lot going on. But we got there and she hunted like the biggest trooper you ever saw. She got up at 4 am and it’s cold in Illinois. The place is a tremendous hunting area. She used a Vacuum Air Actuator. It’s got a 12 volt battery, a tube to suck on. The vacuum changes the electrical signal. It mounts on the trigger guard and fires the trigger itself. The weapon will not fire until Kenzi sucks on that tube. The biggest challenge is to hold the tube for her so when she’s ready, it’s steady. She made it happen the last 30 minutes that evening and shot one white tail deer. She was so happy to put meat in the freezer and contribute to the family.

First thing we did when we got back, we had spaghetti with her deer meat because she wanted to eat some right away. The following week we were out on our land. I had to purchase the vacuum actuator for us. An eight point buck came out and she shot it. She was so excited she was beside herself. She was filling the freezer to help out the family. She also got to do her mule deer hunt in Wyoming and got a buck outside Cheyenne.

Another foundation had seen a video of Kenzi’s hunt and they contacted me. They had us come to the Texas panhandle. It was a Disabled Youth and Military Veterans Foundation. She got a Barbary Sheep. They’re called the poor man’s bighorn. They live in rocky areas. WW Two GI’s brought them back to Texas. They flourished out there. They’re a neat looking animal. She got a big ram. They range from eastern NM to the West Texas panhandle and SW Oklahoma. They love rough country, canyons, cliffs, etc. Last fall she got another white tail.

I did a video of her hunt and a social media person contacted me saying, “I’m just crying watching this video!” She shared it to the corporate pages she manages and it has been viewed 4-5 million times. Kenzi said, “Call Mom, Call Mom!” She loves to provide. It’s the same when we go fishing. “Is this my fish?” she’d ask when we’re fixing fish.

Q: How does leadership have a bearing on your work and the things you’re passionate about.

A: It’s all about the principles we develop. Once you’re out of college and in the corporate world they want you to move up into management. I’ve applied those principles in life too. Before we had children, me and my brother would go on hunts. Our hunts are all do it yourself. We’d go to Colorado, Wyoming, Nebraska. Others would say, “I can’t do that.” But you’ve got to develop those confidence traits. People are inspired by Kenzi’s horseback riding and running in the races.

What do we want to do with Kenzi’s life? I want to fill her with memories. At some point, we may fail, but we’ll learn from those failures. Like anything in life — volunteering for a charity, helping others — leads to personal growth. Making a difference for any individual transfers to anything you’ll do in life. They may not have confidence in themselves, but this will help them build it. When it comes to resources and time management, we can’t do it all. But if you have an “I’m going to make it happen attitude” you’ll learn from your mistakes.

Q: What lessons have you learned over the years that others would benefit from? 

A: Don’t chase things, chase memories. That comes with age. Avoid the feeling that you need to have this or that. If you’ve got a child or person with disabilities, do those things that make you both happy. Don’t be afraid to ask for information from somebody who has special needs or from someone who is older. Ask them about resources. Find the people who have been through your situation and ask them. Ninety nine times out of a hundred they’re going to help you. I wish there was a manual for special needs. It’s overwhelming at first. We’ve thought about writing a book. The Pandemic has reinforced we have more time. We’re trying to get to that point so now it’s a matter of sitting down and writing. We’ve got a chapter written by me and also by my wife so we get two different perspectives. It’s God nudging us to keeping on exploring the possibility of the book.

One more thing: Kenzi went to a special needs school Christian-based nondenominational school in Tulsa. They’ve been in operation since 1976. It’s called The Little Light House. (https://www.littlelighthouse.org/) They also opened up affiliate schools in Mississippi and overseas. They focus on how to deal with children with disabilities. It doesn’t cost the parents anything. They have physical and speech therapists. Early intervention makes a tremendous difference. Their leadership helped Kenzi when she transitioned into Kindergarten. She was able to have inclusion at an earlier year before she went into public schools. There are so many charities that have been such an important part of our lives. They gave her such a great foundation.

To contact Mike for additional information about their hunting, fishing and activities for those with special needs or for an interview, Email: tulsaburnside@netscape.net

Copyright © 2021 · Laura Lollar · Communicate Colorado LLC

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